


Lithium

by Twentysomethingloser92



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Maybe - Freeform, Smut, Unrequited Love, Weddings, bucky is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-06-26 07:33:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19763500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twentysomethingloser92/pseuds/Twentysomethingloser92
Summary: “You’ve fallen in love with your best friend, unfortunately, he’s planning his wedding to someone else”.





	1. Prologue

Falling in love with your best friend was easy, almost flawless. It was cliched, it was like the universe was laughing in your face. You hated those types of cliches, you heard about them, you’d read about them and roll your eyes in response.

You were completely ready to tell him as well, there was no point keeping it to yourself. You’ve read the stories, you’ve seen where it ends up. One or both of you end up heartbroken.

Steven Grant Rogers had been your friend since college, bonding over your love of coffee and rock music. When he left for a prestigious art school in London, you were absolutely heartbroken; but you were happy for him.  
Letters were a norm, so was facetiming at 3am and random phone calls. There was barely a day when the pair of you didn’t talk, and it was somewhere in between those calls did you realize your feelings.

Bucky, your other best friend, had bets going for how long it would take for the pair of you to get together; he had even decided that when Steve came back from London, he was going to bail so the two of you could have your moment alone.

James Buchannan Barnes, despite his playboy antics, was a secret romantic at heart.

So when you finally saw him after almost a year apart holding hands with a beautiful brunette woman, you felt your heart clench and your stomach fall through your feet. It sunk even further when you heard her beautiful English lit voice and saw the way her brown eyes sparkled up at Steve.

He introduced her as Peggy Carter, the woman he was going to marry. And there on her left finger was a simple diamond band. You felt sick, but despite that, you still kissed his cheek-ignoring the feeling of his newly grown beared, ignoring the familiar smell of his cologne-and wished him well.

You welcomed Peggy into your fold of friends, trying to destroy the feeling of resentment and jealousy that was settling into your stomach as you tried to smile and laugh along with your friends.

Steve pulled you aside later that night when you needed to breathe. When you were sitting on the front porch with a coffee in your hand, watching the stars glistening in the sky the way they did when you and Steve would lay on the bonnet of his car during your college days.

“Thank you,” He said quietly, his blue eyes swimming with emotion.

You looked up at him, trying not to show the hurt in your face, to show the effect that he was having on you by being so near after being so far for so long.  
“What for?”

He sat down next to you, taking your coffee from your hand and taking a small sip; “For welcoming her. The whole flight over here she was kinda worried about how you would all react to her. I told her that you were pretty laid back, but you’re my best friend,” He handed you back the mug, “That will never change. No matter what happens, you’re always going to be my best friend,”

And despite the smile on your face, the way you rested your head on his shoulder and the feeling of his own cheek resting against you; you refused to let the heartbreak show on your face.

You refused to let him see the impact his words had on you.

“Always going to be my best friend”.


	2. Broken Hearts Club

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

You stood in your bedroom holding a white blouse up to your chest, staring at your reflection in the floor length mirror, before turning to the voice that entered your room.

You had tried, and in your opinion failed, to cover up the dark circles under your eyes from the night before with concealer.  
Sleep had evaded you every chance that it got due to the events of the previous day, the feeling of your heart falling into your stomach repeatedly throughout the evening. Every lingering glance Steve threw at Peggy was as if someone had placed a knife through your chest, every touch made your chest hurt and the lump in your throat grow.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific Buck,” You held up two shirts, one purple and one white, “Which one?”

The brunette man pointed to the purple, “You look terrible in white. And specific? You’re gonna let Steve, the self-proclaimed love of your life, marry someone else?”

“Yep”

“Someone he barely knows”

“I am”

“Why?”

You gave a sigh and began buttoning up the purple blouse, looking at Bucky’s concerned face; “Because when you love someone, you let them be happy. Whether it’s with you or not”

“How do you know it’s not with you?”

You tucked your shirt into your grey pencil skirt and began placing a belt around your waist “Because he looks at her like she hung the moon herself,”

“He looks at you like you created the whole damn galaxy. You don’t see it but he does. Everyone can see it,”

Picking up your handbag, this was absolutely a conversation you didn’t want to have this early in the morning and without your usual four cups of coffee, you double checked you had your contents- purse, swipe card, phone; you looked around for your keys.

"I’m not telling him Buck. I can’t do that to him”

You weren’t prepared to put your heart on the line like that.

“He has a right to know, don’t take away his choice. He has a right to know that you’re a choice for him. You’ve been in love with him for months, you’ve been friends with him for years. What if you tell him and he feels the same way? Just think of that possibility for a moment please?”

You grabbed your keys off your vanity and roughly threw them in your bag "I’m no one’s second choice Buck. I’m happy for Steve, really I am” you paused at your door turning back to Bucky who was sitting on your bed, watching you with curious eyes “And I can’t jeopardize his happiness for my own selfish reasons,”

“So what? You’re just going to bury your feelings, watch him stand up there declaring his everlasting love for someone else? Can you really do that?” Bucky had stood up by this point and ran a hand through his hair.

Could you really do that? Could you watch Steve marry someone else?  
The answer in your heart was a resounding no. There was absolutely no way you could go to the wedding and not break down.

“Which leads me to my next question,” Bucky continued, “I saw that letter on the counter. Before you say anything, I put it in the bottom drawer so Steve didn’t see it, but I need to know,” He stepped closer to you, “Are you considering it?”

After five years in your job as an Events planner, you had finally gotten an offer of promotion at Stark Industries. They were opening up a new branch in Hong Kong and you were offered the position over there for their new Personal Relations agent.  
The pay was almost double what you earned now, plus it was a chance to make a real difference to the world.

“I wasn’t really before…”

Bucky nodded, seemingly understanding; “But now Steve’s home,” He let the sentence drift off and gave a sigh, “Are you at least gonna tell him that?”

“We’re meeting up for lunch today. I’ll tell him then,”.

For what it was worth, Steve Rogers really was one of the funniest people you knew. You sat across from him in the small diner, your cheeks flushed red as you both recalled old stories from your past.  
You loved watching the way his eyes lit up, his hand movements as he spoke with his mouth full of fries. You were positive he was over exaggerating the story, but you were having too much fun to point it out.

“So uh, Pegs and I were talking last night,”

The atmosphere suddenly changed in your heart. It went from being light, happy in it’s pretending, to suddenly aching in your chest. You had forgotten the reason why he was back in Brooklyn to begin with,

You placed a chip in your mouth, nodding at him to go ahead, not really trusting your voice at that moment.

“I’ve got Bucky as my best man. And uh, I want you to be up there too. With me,” He cleared his throat, “As my best man. Or, my best girl,” He smiled.

It would have been hard enough to sit down in the pews and watch him say his vows but to stand next to him, to watch as he held her hand with all the love in his heart, to watch him promise his life to her, to be so close to him and not be able to touch him.

It would destroy you.

“Steve-” You bit your lip, knowing that you would have to touch your lipstick up after this, “That-that’s kind of why I wanted to meet you today. I um, I’m leaving,” You looked down at your napkin and began tearing it up, a nervous habit you’ve had since you were a child, “I’ve been offered a job in PR at Stark Industries in Hong Kong,”

His silence was deafening. He was staring at you, food on his plate forgotten and the humor in his eyes long gone.  
He cleared his throat, “When do you leave?” His voice was low, almost as if he didn’t want to ask.

“Three weeks,”

He was quiet, almost as he was contemplating his next words. You could see the muscles in his jaw clench a few times before he gave a tight smile. Your heart panged as you saw the hurt in your friend’s eyes.

He gave a sigh, “You couldn’t leave after the wedding could you?” He gave a sarcastic smile and leaned back in his chair, pushing his fries away and looking out at the glass window, “I really just thought-” He shook his head, “I’m happy for you. I really am,” He turned back to him and you pretended not to see the sadness in his eyes, “You deserve this more than anyone I know,”

You wanted to reach out to touch him, to hold his hand and apologize but you couldn’t seem to move. You couldn’t open your mouth to speak.

“Will you call me at least? On my wedding day?” He gave a small laugh, “I don’t think I could get through it if I didn’t talk to you first,”

“Always” You whispered in response.

To say that your boss, Virginia Potts, was shocked that you had suddenly come into her office and said that you would take the offer, was an understatement. She wasn’t sure why you had a sudden change of heart, especially since you were so adamant that you weren’t going to go, but she was grateful. She wanted someone she trusted over there, someone who knew most of the ins and outs of the daily operations.

You, on the other hand, were nervous. Was this the biggest mistake you had ever made? Quite possibly.  
You were letting your heart rule your head, making decisions that would change your life. Your mother always said don’t let your heart rule your head, especially when it came to relationships; but you couldn’t help it. You wanted to be far away from Steve and Peggy, you needed to be.

Your heart was broken in ways you never knew you could feel, you were watching him fall in love each and every time you saw him, you were watching his eyes light up and the gentle kisses he would place on her lips.

And your heart couldn’t take it.


	3. Dashing Hopes

It was like watching a train crash, you knew you should look away, you should save yourself the heartache and just leave. Turn away from the scene and pretend it didn’t happen. But you loved self-punishment. You wondered if a part of you enjoyed the feeling of your heart breaking, of your chest aching and the lump in your throat growing.

You couldn’t help but to always watch as Steve sat at your kitchen table with Peggy as they planned their wedding. Bucky would sit beside you making offhand comments about the ceremony while watching whatever the hell was on the television, and you just couldn’t pay attention to anything besides the fact that your best friend was getting married.

Again, you were a sucker for self-punishment.

It would have been so easy, you realized, so easy to just stand up from where you were seated and declare your love for the blonde. Sure it would have caused some chaos, some arguments, possibly a slap to your face; but was it worth losing a friendship over your feelings?

When those same feelings were suffocating you?

You weren’t so sure anymore.

So you stayed quiet while day after day, your calendar marked with orange crosses from your marker, crossing out the days before it was time for you to board a plane to your future; another color, the more ominous black, was marking down the days until Steve tied the knot.

It was so easy to pretend with Steve, to pretend when it was just the two of you that nothing between you had changed. That back in your apartment you shared with Bucky, and once upon a time Steve, there wasn’t his soon-to-be bride waiting for him; that you were both those dumb dorks that would eat copious amounts of vendor food that would almost always give you food poisoning and get lost in New York.

Sometimes you liked to play make-believe with him, to visit the stores on the Upper East Side and pretend, just for a moment, that you were able to afford the things those stores sold. That you and he were two identities in the world and when he looked at you, his heart stopped the way yours would.

Now, however, instead of playing make-believe you had to listen as he spoke about his upcoming nuptials. Peggy wanted something low-key, he said, something with just friends and family. He was disappointed that you weren’t going to be there, but he was happy for you nonetheless.

“Can I ask you something?” His question came out of the blue as you were both walking through Central Park, a hotdog in your hand while you balance your drink and handbag in the other.

You turned to face him, ignoring the way your heart lurched at the sight of his chiseled jaw, the way the sun brought out the different shades of blue in his eyes; you never wanted to look away, “Of course,” you turned back around and resumed walking through the busy parkway.

“Am I making a mistake?”

Yes. Yes. Yes.

That was the only thing going through your head at that stage. The words were on your lips, so close to passing through them and possibly ruining your friendship.  
Instead, you took a bite of your food and shrugged, “I can’t really say. I’ve never been in this situation before,”

You choked on your hotdog for a moment, giving him a small thumbs up as your best friend patted you on the back humorously, “That being said though; I was always told that when you know, you know. Whether you met that person a lifetime ago or a year ago,”

His blue eyes sparked once again as he smiled at you, “See, and this is why you’re my best friend. You always know what to say to make things okay,”

“Why? Are you having doubts?” You kicked a ball back over to the small group of children playing on the green grass.

Steve shook his head and pulled a face, “I don’t know. It’s something that Buck said last night,”

Your heart paused for a moment, “And what did Mister Barnes say?”

“That I was rushing into this. That maybe I should take a step back and see what’s around me first,”

You were going to kill that brunette asshole. You smiled up at your blonde best friend, scrunching up your rubbish and placing it in the bin, “My honest opinion? If you’re happy, then we’re happy for you. Now come on, I wanna get Starbucks before we head back,”

“I’m going to strangle you!” You called out to Bucky as you entered the apartment, the front door slamming open, making the items on the walls rattle. You slammed the door closed and threw your handbag on the wooden floor before stomping over to the man who’s head came peeking out of his room.

“What for now?” He asked arrogantly, leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest.  
It was a regular occurrence of you threatening Bucky jokingly, but this time you were considering following through with your threat.

You came to stand face to face with him, poking him in his abnormally hard chest.  
When did that happen?  
“You, telling Steve, that he’s rushing this with Peggy. He’s happy Bucky. He loves her. Leave. Him. Alone,”

Bucky shook his head, “No. He’s in lust with her. He’s in love with you. And you’re in love with him. Just admit it, tell him, and get it over with. This wedding’s a sham,”

“You’re such an asshole sometimes Bucky. You’re my best friend, but we should be happy for Steve. He’s found someone to settle down with. Someone who cares about him as much as he cares about her. You need to stop, okay?”

His hands came to rest on your shoulders, his blue eyes piercing your own, “This is breaking your heart. For days I’ve sat here and watched you pretend you’re okay. Watching you help Peggy choose a dress and a location and whatnot, but it’s destroying you!”

You took a step back as tears threatened to fall down your cheeks, “Yes okay. This is killing me. Seeing him happy with her? Seeing the way he looks at her and knowing he will never look at me like that? Seeing how he touches her and loves her and my heart begging him to love me like that? It hurts Bucky. So god damn much, but Steve’s happy and I’m happy for him. Even if it’s not with me,”

The sound of a plastic bag being placed on a bench made you spin on your feet, hair falling into your face as you saw Steve’s stormy blue expression watching you carefully. His jaw clenched a few times, his hand falling limply by his side.

“Steve,” You whispered out.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, your throat was closing up, you felt like you were about to have a full blown panic attack.  
How much had he heard?

Bucky moved to grab a jacket from inside his room, “It needed to be done,” He murmured to you as he moved past you and made his way through the front door.  
You quickly realized that your roommate had something to do with this and, in your emotions, you hadn’t heard the door opening.

You were thanking whoever was listening that Peggy wasn’t there.

Steve crossed his arms over his chest. You could cut the atmosphere between you both with a knife. It was suffocating, the way his eyes were looking at you, like he was upset, like he was mad. Confused was another word that came to mind.

“Where’s Peggy?” You managed to choke out.

Steve shrugged a shoulder, “Downstairs in the car. We were going out to dinner but then I got this text from Buck saying that I needed to get over here. I came in and heard that” He stated simply.

You looked down, “How much did you hear?”

“All of it,” He took a step forward, almost as if he was frightened to approach you, “Did you mean it?”

You quickly realized that it was now or never. The universe gave you an opportunity to tell Steve your true feelings for him, and now it presented itself. His face was set, not a single emotion was now showing, his jaw was twitching slightly from where he was clenching his jaw, but apart from that, you couldn’t get emotion from him.

“Steve-” You began.

He shook his head, “No more bullshit. Are you in love with me?”


	4. Confessions of a Broken Heart

You couldn’t speak.

You felt like your mouth hadn’t had a drink for days like there was cotton in your mouth. What were you meant to tell him? Did you tell him the truth with the risk of it ruining everything? Or do you lie? Tell him that everything he heard was taken out of context?

Your mouth opened and closed a few times.

“Please,” He whispered, his eyes finally showing you that you needed to tell him the truth, he needed to know. Bucky’s words from a week before came to mind, he had a right to know.

“I love you okay. I’m in love with you,” You watched Steve take a sharp breath in, “and then you come back with a fiancee and I’m left trying to deal with these feelings that I’ve never had before and you think everything’s fine. But it’s not,” Tears welled up in your eyes, you could feel your heart beating out of your chest, “I can’t watch you marry her Steve. I can’t when I love you. Please don’t marry her,” Your final request came out as a whisper, your eyes darted to the ground.

What the hell were you even thinking? You were being selfish at this point, not caring about the other woman in the picture, instead, you wanted Steve for you, you wanted him to love you back so badly anyone elses’ feelings in this didn’t even matter.

Tears had fallen down your cheeks as you looked down at the floor. You cursed yourself for feeling like a lovesick teenager. You brushed your hand across your cheeks to take the tears away but they continued to fall without your permission.

Steve looked at the crying girl in front of him and shook his head, “You can’t do this to me, not now. I’m getting married in two weeks, and you drop a bombshell like that on me?” He ran a hand through his hair and turned around, his shoulders rising and falling as if he was trying to keep his own emotions under check.

“How long?” His voice was quiet.

You stayed silent, not trusting yourself to speak. Instead, you continued to wipe the tears from your cheeks. Mentally scolding yourself when they wouldn’t stop falling. You finally raised your eyes to meet his back.

“How long?” He raised his voice slightly.

You swallowed deep, clearing your throat before answering him, “I think it started before you left for London. And then you were gone and I never missed anyone the way I missed you. And yeah, just over time it grew into something more. For me at least,” You said quietly.

Steve turned to face you, his face showing one of anger and sadness, he gave a sarcastic laugh, “You know? You’re my best friend. And I thought, I thought you were the one I’d be planning my wedding with. That you would love me the way I was so in love with you. But you know what? You never looked twice at me. Sure, we’d share a bed, we would go out together; we would act like a couple in those stupid UES stores but you never gave any indication that you might feel the same way,”

Tears once again fell down your cheeks, “Steve-” You tried but he cut you off.

“If you had asked me not to go to London I wouldn’t have. I would have done anything you had asked me too,” Steve finally looked at you, “I’m marrying Peggy. I love her,” He took your hand, “Not in the way I love you. I’ll always love you. Never doubt that. But Peggy, she deserves so much. She saw me when you didn’t. I won’t be the one to break her heart” He took a step back from you, “I’m sorry,”

He turned on his heel and walked away, you didn’t look up until you finally heard the door slam. You swallowed deeply and tried to will the tears away. You had laid your soul bare to your best friend, you had told him everything your heart had longed to tell him for so long only to be rejected.

And there in the middle of your lounge room, you found yourself sliding down the wall with your knees to your chest and tears falling down your cheeks.

It seemed like hours until Bucky returned with a Starbucks coffee for you. You barely even wanted to acknowledge him, you wanted to hit him, to yell at him. To scream at him.  
How dare he put you in that position, how dare he make you do that. It wasn’t his choice to make for you.

You swallowed deeply and let out a shaky sigh, it wasn’t his fault. He was only trying to do what was best for you after all.

For a moment, just a fleeting moment, you had hoped that Steve was going to call it all off when he told you that he also loved you, hope had blossomed in your chest.  
Only for him to tear it to shreds, taking your heart with him.

Bucky seemed to know what was happening because he was silent. He had moved down the wall next to you and handed you the drink, a quiet apology on his lips.

“I thought-” Bucky started before cutting himself off, shaking his head in disbelief, “I thought that he would have returned it. I really did. I’m-” He swallowed deeply and looked down, “I’m so sorry,”

You took a small sip of the drink, wiping the tears on your cheeks with your sleeve, “It’s fine Buck. I know you thought that you were doing the right thing,” You gave a scoff, “At least now it’ll make going to Hong Kong a bit easier,”

“You’re still going?” Bucky didn’t really sound shocked, he was more disappointed than anything.

Nodding your head, you placed the coffee down by your side, playing with the lid and avoiding your friend’s eyes, “Yeah I’m still going. I love Steve, Bucky. And he now knows that and he’s still marrying her. I can’t watch that. Besides,” You nudged him slightly with your shoulder with a weak smile on your face, “At least you’ll have a place to holiday,”

Bucky wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him, “You’ll always have a place here you know that?” He smiled gently at you, his eyes showing sadness.

“I know Buck. I’m just sorry it had to be like this. I really am,” You gave a small laugh, “Why couldn’t I be in love with you instead?”

Bucky gave a sharp laugh, “Cause that would be weird. It’d be like dating my strange younger sister who leaves her hair to clog the shower drain and dishes in the sink,” He pressed a kiss to the side of your head, “I promise you, it’s gonna be okay you know?”

“I really hope so Buck,” You whispered back, “I really do”.

Steve wanted too, and God did he want too, listen to Peggy as she talked about their upcoming nuptials. The waterfront restaurant was perfect for the pair of them, her brown hair coifed to perfection, her red lips smiling gently at him; but he couldn’t bring himself to muster up the same enthusiasm. Not anymore.

Instead, he continued to eat, pretending to be enthused with his food instead of his wife-to-be. His stomach was in knots, he felt like he wanted to throw up every piece of food he was eating. He wanted to both yell and cry, but instead, he stayed silent, picking at his food with his fork and eating it.

You loved him.

He had waited so long to hear those words come from your mouth, but instead, they made him feel like punching a wall. He was so angry at you. How dare you say them to him before his wedding, before you left for Hong Kong. How dare you say the words he had spent years longing to hear you say one week and four days out from his wedding.

He hated you so much at that moment.

He should be excited, he should be happy; he had a beautiful fiancee, back in London they had a flat waiting for them. They were getting married in front of all their friends and family.  
Instead, he felt sick to his stomach.

He loved you so much, he had loved you for so long. He barely remembers a time when he wasn’t watching your every move as you danced around the kitchen of your shared apartment, a time when you would have a coffee ready for him every time he came back from his run, a time when your feet would rest upon his lap and he would find himself massaging them no matter how many times you told him that you hated your feet being touched.

Peggy knew he wasn’t himself, she questioned him when he returned to the car after the confrontation; he put it down to pre-wedding jitters. Her brown eyes just glistened with a smile on her face.

A hand reached over the table and grabbed his own, Peggy gave him a soothing smile, “Are you okay?”

Steve turned his hand over and clutched Peggy’s as if it was a lifeline, “Always,”

Except that he wasn’t okay.

Not even a little bit


	5. Runaway

The day you were leaving for Hong Kong was, in fact, probably the most uneventful and heartbreaking day of your life. Bucky had insisted on throwing a going away party, but there was no one that you really wanted to see.

And the only person that you did want to see hadn’t spoken to you in over a week.  
Not since you laid your heart bare to him.  
Not since he rejected you.

Instead, you spent your last day and night in New York lazing around the apartment in your pajamas eating day old pizza and drinking whatever was left in the fridge.

Your suitcase was oddly heavy when you loaded it into the back of the yellow cab. Bucky kept giving you tight, reassuring smiles. Small touches to let you know that it was going to be fine.  
You realized that you had no idea what you were going to do without Bucky in your corner.

You gave him his own smile, looking around the street subtly to see if Steve was there. You were stupid though, you knew, deep down, that he wasn’t going to be there. He was getting married soon, of course, he didn’t have time for you.  
Tomorrow was going to be the rehearsal dinner, then the day after he was going to be Mr. Margret Carter.

“You’re gonna rock it over there,” Bucky reached his arms around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest. The familiar smell of his expensive cologne filled your nostrils as you wrapped your arms around his waist, “But I’m gonna miss you,”

He held you tighter, pressing a long kiss into your hair before letting you go. You pretended not to see the tears in his eyes as you blinked back your own, “You keep safe. Make sure to Skype me every day,” You swallowed the lump in your throat, “I’ll miss you so much Bucky,”

He placed his hands in his pockets and gave you a soft smile, “I’ll look out for him,”

You swallowed deeply, “Thanks Buck,”

The cab driver beeped his horn as Bucky stepped forward and opened the back door for you, “Call me as soon as you land,”

You paused at the door and gave him another hug, “I’ll be seeing you,”

He let you go and watched as you slid into the back seat, your handbag being placed by your feet. He closed the door behind you and banged on the roof of the cab to let the driver know that it was safe to go.  
Bucky gave you one final wave before the cab left the curb, driving you to the airport.

He pulled out his phone, sighing at seeing the message from Steve and unlocked it.

“She’s gone,” He replied to whatever the other man had sent him.

Steve never replied.

The cab ride was long, a little too long thanks to the traffic, but nothing that you hadn’t already accounted for.  
Your fingers itched over the phone, your stomach telling you to call him. Call Steve and say your goodbyes.

Who knows when you would get to speak to him again.

But you kept placing the phone down on your lap, shifting in your seat as you watched the scenery pass you. Your eyes would watch as your phone lit up, notifications from your social media, but nothing from him.

Were you being optimistic that he would contact you after a week of no contact? Yes.  
You had been friends for years, you had hoped that your declaration of love wouldn’t have ruined it for you.

But clearly, it had.

You had obviously overstepped a line that day, and there was no coming back from that.

As you arrived at the airport, you couldn’t help but feel so far out of your comfort zone. This was a whole new world you were stepping into.  
A part of you felt like you were finally growing up, but the other part of you was so scared and so nervous all you wanted to do was run away back to the apartment.

Instead, you paid the driver, took your belongings, and made your way inside the airport.  
Just one step forward you kept reminding yourself.

You hoped that he would be there, that he would change his mind and come running through the airport calling your name the way they did in all those movies.

But who were you kidding? After everything? after that day in the apartment?

You thought, for a moment, that he was going to tell you that he didn’t want to marry her. That his lips were going to form the words that you longed to hear so badly.

But as usual, the universe hated you, and he walked away to his fiancee. Leaving you behind in your tears and a broken heart.

You continued to look around, ignoring the unfamiliar faces of the check-in line, trying to find that one face that made your heart stop and your stomach flutter. The lady at the gate asked to see your ticket and passport, a soft smile on her face. You handed them over, still looking around.

She passed you the items back as you hitched your carry-on bag higher on your shoulder, telling you to have a nice flight. You stepped towards the entranceway, the gateway that once stepped through, no-one from the outside world would be able to go in.

Your heart sank once you realized that no, he wasn’t going to be there.

In two days time, he was going to be saying his vows.

In two days time, he was going to be someone’s husband.

You tried to hide the tears as they fell down your cheeks, keeping your head low as you sat in the waiting lounge. Ignoring the glance of the older woman sitting across from you, you wiped away your tears and pulled out a magazine to pass the time.

Anything to stop thinking about the way your heart was breaking.

Your phone vibrated in your hand, your heart giving a small lurch at the familiar name on your screen.  
With shaking hands, you swiped to answer.

“Steve,” You breathed out, standing up and walking away from the waiting area.

“I just uh, called to say have a safe flight,” He replied.

“I’m sorry Steve. For everything, I said that day. I didn’t,” You took a deep breath in, “I didn’t realize it would destroy our friendship like this,”

There was silence on the other end before, “You didn’t destroy anything. You’re still my best friend. I still need you,” His voice choked up, “More than ever. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see you off,”

You needed to say it, even in the middle of the airport with tears falling down your cheeks, “I’ll miss you,” You whispered.

“I-” Steve cleared his throat, you could hear him give a small sigh on the other end of the phone, “I’ll miss you too”

The call disconnected before you could reply, leaving you to stare at your phone with your chest aching and a soft smile on your cheeks.


	6. Forgive Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Smut*

Steven Grant Rogers sat on the end of the large king-sized bed, his elbows resting on his knees, his eyes staring blankly at the red carpet in front of him.

This was meant to be the happiest day of his life, he was getting married.

So why did he feel like the hole in his chest had grown ten-fold since you left?

His tie was hanging untied around his neck, his black shoes contrasted against the carpet.

Maybe it was just nerves he concluded, everyone is nervous on their wedding day.

This wasn’t nerves.

He missed you, he heard your voice early that morning long before anyone else in the hotel had woken up. You sounded happy, you sounded at peace. You were apologetic that you weren’t there, and he said that he was okay.

But he wasn’t. He was so far from okay he wondered why he hadn’t run away yet.

Bucky knew because Bucky always knew. He knew what he was feeling, and he left his car keys on his vanity and explained that it was his choice.

And for a moment, well, for longer then a moment, he held the keys in his hands and looked around his room, guessing how long it would take for him to pack a suitcase and leave.

He couldn’t do that to Peggy, there was no way in hell he could do that to the woman who had been so patient with him.

So slowly, he stood up and made his way over to the mirror.

For the first time in almost a year he was clean-shaven, his face smooth and his hair combed back. He began to slowly tie his dark blue tie, his body feeling as exhausted as his mind felt.

He shouldn’t be here. He should be in Hong Kong with you.

It was a knock at the door that brought him out of his thoughts, he moved to the door and opened it; his mouth falling open when he saw his fiancee standing there in her floor-length wedding gown.

“We need to talk,” She said simply, walking into the room.

Steve closed the door and came to stand in front of the brunette woman who was ringing her hands together; it was rare to see Peggy Carter nervous, but there she stood, a look of trepidation on her face, “I love you, Steve,” She began, “I will always love you,”

“I love you too,” He said with a confused expression on his face.

Peggy smiled lovingly at him, “But you love her more,” Steve opened his mouth to say something but she held up a hand to cut him off, “Let me finish. Please,” She swallowed deeply, “When we first met, and you spoke about her; I thought she was your girlfriend. You spoke about her with such adoration, and then I met her, and I saw the way you look at her. The way you act around her, sure you laugh around me, but with her, it’s like the entire weight leaves your shoulders. You look lighter when she’s around. You smile more, your eyes barely leave her sight,” Peggy gave a small sigh and reached into her back pocket and pulled out an envelope, handing it to him, “You told me when you proposed to me that you should never let true love slip through your fingers. In that envelope is a ticket to Hong Kong that leaves six hours from now. If you ask Barnes nicely I’m sure he will happily give you her address,”

Tears fell down Steves’ cheeks as he opened the envelope with shaky hands, and, sure enough, a singular plane ticket and his passport were inside, “Peggy, I-”

The woman shook her head and gave a small smile, “You only find a love like that once in your life Steve. Find her and be happy,”

“What about you?” He asked, his voice breaking slightly.

Peggy smiled, “Well, there is an open bar downstairs. I’m sure the guests won’t be too disappointed,” She stepped forward, “Thank you, Steve, for everything,” She pressed a kiss to his cheek and stepped back, “Now go pack your suitcase, I’m positive they won’t allow late check-ins,”

It was the persistent banging on the door at 4:45am that woke you up. You were so tired, your first few days at the new Stark Industries were shaky at best, everyone trying to gather their footing, trying to get a feel for the new setup. So it was early mornings and even longer days for you. You barely had time to unpack your apartment, boxes still littered the floor with the essentials unpacked from them.

You made your way out of your bedroom, being careful not to stub your toe on anything, down the corridor, and to your front door, swearing at whoever the hell it was that woke you up at that time.

You liked sleep more then you liked people, and for a moment you considered turning around and walking back to your room, leaving whoever it was at the door to themselves.

You couldn’t do that, you were far too curious to see who was there.

Letting out a loud yawn, you pulled open the door to see Steve standing there, his face conflicted, his tie hanging loosely around his neck, his suit jacket and a suitcase in his hand.

“I love you,” He breathed out, “I can’t live without you,”

Your head was spinning, your stomach had erupted with butterflies, “You’re meant to be married! What are you doing here?,” You couldn’t believe this was happening right now, “Where’s Peggy?” He couldn’t be here, you were trying so hard to move on, to repair your broken heart.

“She’s the one who sent me here. She saw right through me, she knew how much I loved you,”

You stared at him for a moment, your eyes searching for any sign of it being a lie, but even though his face looked sleep-deprived, his hair was a mess, you saw nothing but love in his eyes.

You grabbed him by his tie and pulled his lips to your own, you heard the thump of his suitcase falling to the floor as his hands wrapped around your waist, pulling you to him tightly.

“I love you,” You breathed into his mouth.

You could feel the smirk on his lips as he deepened the kiss, his tongue gently pressing into your mouth. He pulled away briefly, his forehead resting against your own.

“I love you, so fucking much,”

You pulled his head down so his lips met your own, your hands running up his chest and around his neck.  
His hands moved to your hips, pushing you inside of your apartment, his foot kicking the door closed behind him.

Your head was spinning as his hands moved to the buttons on your pajama top,-you realized, with embarrassment, that they were your sloth pajamas- the one with the sauce stain down the front.

Slowly, he dragged your shirt down your arms, his head bowing to press butterfly kisses to your neck and shoulder, making you sigh in content.

You stood in front of him, your naked breasts heaving with your chest and your panties slowly becoming wet from arousal.

Steve took you in, his blue eyes taking in every single imperfection on your body, you watched his Adam’s apple bob in his throat and stepped forward, slowly loosening his tie and unbuttoning his own shirt. You wanted to help him, but you seemed frozen to your spot.

It was something you never expected to do, not with Steve Rogers, your best friend, not when he was supposed to be married to someone who wasn’t you, and certainly not here.

You took in his smooth chest and gently pressed your lips to his chest.

You could hear his breathing speed up as you got lower and lower, before finally ending up on your knees in front of him, the cold tiles biting softly into your skin.

You reached up and slowly unbuckled his black leather belt, your eyes never once leaving his blue ones. He ran his hands through your bedridden hair a few times and moaned slightly as you unzipped his pants and pulled them down his penis straining against his briefs.

You gently touched it through the white fabric, eliciting another moan as Steve threw his head back slightly.

You pulled down his briefs and released his member, smiling at the precum already beginning to form at the tip. Not once releasing his eyes from your own, you moved your head forward and began to lick from his testicles up to his head. A much louder moan came from his throat this time, he gripped your hair tight, making you hiss slightly.

He released you and gave you an apology, but quickly silenced him when you placed a majority of his penis in your mouth. You could hear him swear as you began to suck and bob. Every now and again he would run his hands through your hair, smoothing it away from your face as he watched you take him all in.

Eventually, he had to pull away from you. His penis pulsing in his hand, he swallowed deeply as he grabbed you by the hands and pulled you up to your feet. His lips pressed to your own once again, this time his tongue made an appearance, guiding its way around your mouth, his teeth biting your bottom lip gently; you let out a loud moan and ran your hands up his chest and around your neck.

He finds himself whispering, as his hands rest on your bare hips, his eyes worshipping you with every glance, about how he wondered for the longest time how your mouth would feel, how you would feel. He tells you that it feels so much better then what he could possibly imagine.

It feels impossibly right.

His feet guide you to the small green couch that sat in the only carpeted area of your apartment, tripping once over the red rug- eliciting a chuckle from you both as his hands tightened on you- and gently lays you down pushing your legs up on the suede arm and crouching down in front of you. He presses his lips to your inner thighs, his hands gripping them ever so slightly to keep them still. Soon his mouth began pressing kisses to your folds before finally sinking his tongue in your center. There, he began to suck and lick you delicately, like he wanted to taste every single bit of you.

You could feel the knot in your stomach, the all too familiar feeling of wanting to cum, you let out a loud moan as his fingers plunged deep inside you and his tongue continuing to circle your clitoris softly.

When he was finished he slowly and tortuously kissed his way up your stomach and chest, making sure to pay special attention to your breasts; his tongue circling your nipples and his teeth gently pulling at them.

You weren’t inexperienced with sex. In fact, you prided yourself on being well versed in the art of having sex.

However, no one had really touched you the same way Steve did. You somewhat wondered if he had a special experience with someone as he knew everywhere to touch, the right amount of pressure to keep you on the edge without letting you go over.  
A part of your mind wondered if he had touched Peggy the same way.

You scratched that thought away as soon as his face found yours and he started staring at you, his lips glistening with your wetness, you found yourself wanting to lick it off him. You could feel the head of his penis pressing against your entrance, his face was searching for your consent. Neither one of you wanted to do this only if it was going to ruin everything. You both knew that once this happened something was going to change between you, good or bad, neither one of you knew.  
Was this moving too fast in what was the beginning of your relationship?

You rose your hips to meet with his and he took that as a motion to continue, slowly, he guided himself into you. A moan escaped from both of your lips as he reached down and kissed you once again.

At the first thrust, you could feel him in the pit of your stomach, you forced his head down to kiss him again only this time it was your tongue inside his mouth.

His forehead met yours as he continued to kiss him, each thrust moving deeper inside you. His lips met your neck, your jawline, your earlobes. He whispered how much he loved you. That it was always you, that there would never be anyone else but you.

Your hands reached up and grabbed the back of his head, pulling his hair softly before kissing the moan out of his mouth. Your heart was beating erratically, your mind was spinning in ecstasy. Your mind couldn’t form any coherent thoughts, instead, you were overwhelmed with the sound of moans in your ear, the smell of sweat and his cologne; the feeling of his smooth skin against yours, the familiar feeling in the pool of your stomach.

It was only a few more thrusts before you both stilled, foreheads touching, soft lingering kisses being pressed to your lips.

The only words lingering in the air between you were the ones Steve whispered to you as he held you in his arms moments later:

“I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner,”.


End file.
